I enjoy reading collections of short stories because I feel that there's less pressure to finish the book/collection quickly. When I'm reading a novel, I feel more pressure to read it quickly because I can't leave the book unfinished. Compared to a collection of short stories, I can read a few of them and then pick the book up a few months later and continue without feeling lost or like I failed at reading again.

 Comparison really is the thief of joy. I've always been a slow reader. I go through phases where I read books like I drink water, and then there are times when I go months without reading a book. LMAO, this is no longer a book review, but a reflection on my relationship with reading. I feel like reading has been turned into a game. "How many books can I read in a week?" or "I read 300 books this year," and I struggle to understand how it's possible. Are you actually reading, or are you looking at words on a page? Apps like Goodreads turn reading into a competition to out-read your peers. And if you read more books in a year than they do, then suddenly you're a scholar and they're not. Let me be a slow reader without feeling like I'm falling behind. Let me read one short story and then play Pokémon for 3 hours at midnight.

 I try to be intentional with the books I read. I want to read more classics that I didn't get the opportunity to read in school, and now that I'm no longer taking language arts classes, I don't really have a reason to do it. There is no pending essay due. But there is a reason to read because no experience or emotion is unique. The only thing that connects us is that we all feel the same things. All books and reading should make you reflect. It doesn't have to be life-shattering revelations. But it really does make me wonder if reading this quickly leaves you time to reflect, or if I spend too much time ruminating.

 I think the act of reading has always been a touchy subject for me because, growing up, English was my second language, and I fell behind in reading and writing compared to my peers. Reading was difficult for me, and I constantly felt like I was bad at it. My teachers never said I was a bad reader, but I knew I wasn't meeting the reading standards.

 I think that killed the joy of reading for me as a kid. There is just something about reading and writing that makes me feel inferior. Other people can write a research paper in a few hours, but I struggle so much to put my thoughts on paper. I would genuinely do a 30-minute presentation on the research topic rather than sitting down and writing the fucking paper. It's so paralyzing staring at a blank page and not knowing how to articulate myself. Even when I do write like I’m doing right now, it hurts because all I see in Word are all the red lines. I don't know how to spell. I suck at grammar. I can't even play Mad Libs because I don't know all the different parts of speech ~it's embarrassing~.

 I think I’ve been writing more because my fear of being forgotten is bigger than my fear of writing. I don't take enough pictures because “I’m living in the moment,” but los recuerdos son los que quedan, and pictures are a snapshot of that memory. In reality, I don't take pictures because I don't like the way I look. But it's stupid because whenever I’ve looked back at pictures, I'm not thinking “ew, I look ugly”. I’m reminiscing on that moment and those people that I shared my time with. One specific instance of this is my quinceañera:

In that time, I remember specifically being so anxious about taking photos because I was a self-conscious teenager with my mother in my ear, telling me that I needed to lose weight before my pictures. When I first got my pictures back from the photographer, she asked me to pick out the ones I wanted in the album, and I didn't do it. I didn't open the files to see how I looked. She ended up picking out the ones she thought were best and made the album. When I got the final album, I looked at it once before I shoved it to the bottom of my bookshelf. Recently, I looked at pictures. I looked like a princess; the pictures were beautiful. The experience of my quinceañera got ruined.

The point of that story was that after I saw some of the few physical pictures I had of myself, I knew I had to get over it and just take more because if I didn't take pictures, who would (my friends do but you know what I mean i need to make that change mysef I cant rely on them to be my historians). I'm also not saying that I need to document myself because I’m this important future historical figure. I just want my future self to be able to see the past versions of myself and have memories to look back on. Pictures are keys to memories.

 Most of my childhood memories are in a bunch of SD cards or lost on phones that weren't connected to the cloud and that are now sitting in some landfill. I keep all the SD cards I do have safe in a Disney Magical World 3DS game case. When I was finally in charge of keeping my own memories, I didn't do much better. I didn't believe in paying 0.99 to Apple to have more phone storage, so the few pictures I did take in middle school and high school are also lost.

 I started this website to be my personal journal/scrapbook. I’ve had many journals/diaries before, but I was never able to stick to them and hold myself accountable to writing in them. They sit on my bookshelf with a few entries and the rest waiting to be filled. Something about having a website has kept me more consistent than ever. Having a website puts pressure on me to fill it up with my memories and thoughts. Having a blank website is like having a beautiful journal that sits empty(I’ve got many of those).

(sorry for any typos or parts that aren't very understandable. I typed my heart away and did not reread it. As it should be.)

 The Switch 2 came out recently and the way that Nintendo's greed is so blatant is genuinely offputting and disgusting. First off the fact that the games in general are on average $80+ dollars. Like hellooooo. In what world is that normal or reasonable. They aren't making revolutionary games with revolutionary graphics that warrant that price point. And no game should cost that price at all. In my opinion, I could maybe justify a really good game costing $50 and I feel like that's pushing it.

 Secondly, why are the physical copies of the game more expensive??? IN MY EXPERIENCE I have NEVER seen that before. I grew up playing on Nintendo consoles and the physical copies of the games were the same price as digital.

 I personally own the switch and I choose to buy the physical copy whenever possible because I can find them cheaper used. I bought the physical copy I lost my original Nintendo account I made when I was gifted the Nintendo 3DS. I had it for years when the circle pad broke and I decided to buy the New 3DS used. I transferred my Nintendo account to the new device and then realized that the cameras did not work. I tried to transfer the Nintendo account back to my original 3ds and you were not allowed to move accounts to older devices only go forward. Since then no digital copies for me. It's when I realized that you don't own the games because Nintendo has control over which devices you can link "your" account to.

 This has only gotten worse. when Nintendo decided to further choke their LOYAL LOYAL customers(because people love the Nintendo games) by adding to their terms of service:

"Without limitation, you agree that you may not (a) publish, copy, modify, reverse engineer, lease, rent, decompile, disassemble, distribute, offer for sale, or create derivative works of any portion of the Nintendo Account Services; (b) bypass, modify, decrypt, defeat, tamper with, or otherwise circumvent any of the functions or protections of the Nintendo Account Services,...You acknowledge that if you fail to comply with the foregoing restrictions Nintendo may render the Nintendo Account Services and/or the applicable Nintendo device permanently unusable in whole or in part."

Essentially if you hack your Switch 2 they will brick the console. YOU BITCH. I spent my money I 'bought' the device so if I wanna do illegal things on said device like hacking and pirating. It is my god given the right to choose whether to break the law or not.

 In my opinion, they saw that when they shut down the eshop for the 3DS it soared in popularity because people( me included) were hacking and homebrewing the device to have free access to all the 3DS games that were once on the eshop. They got greedy and decided to shut down the eshop to get the last 3ds users to move to the switch but it backfired and they lost money because people were no longer given the choice to 'do the right thing' and purchase the games.
So, in 10 years when Nintendo abandons the Switch lineup and moves on to their next thing. People won't be able to hack their switches to download games that were only available on the eshop because they will get bricked. So you spent 700 to essentially rent the Switch 2 because you can't do with your device whatever you want to do.

 This honestly pisses me off because it's much bigger than Nintendo. There has been this big push towards everything being digital copies but you don't own those. Time and time again companies get rid of digital games, movies, and TV shows that we 'bought'. To me, that's the corporations stealing. I don't care what the terms of service technically say. Everyone bought it under the assumption that it was yours and we've had the rude awakening that we don't own anything digital.
Either way... I homebrewed my 3DS and I would 100% do it again. I will hack my switch once Nintendo stops supporting it and I will never directly buy from them again. Maybe when the Switch 3 comes out I'll buy the Switch 2 secondhand. Because by then I trust and know that hackers will have found a workaround to Nintendo's hacking ban. I have an iPod and you best bet that I pirated most of the music on it(didn't pirate music from independent artists I'm not cruel :/ ).

• I used to play instruments in school. For me it was an affordable way to experience the arts. I want to do that again. I want to take music classes be in an orchestra. Be part of a musical community. There are no community orchestras near me. Music classes are expensive. So the dream of being in a local orchestra seems so unatainable.
• Tragically, school districts are defunding the arts. It was the only thing I looked forward to in school.
• In this economy, it is becoming more impossible to have hobbies. To have any joy. To do anything that is not work. I guess it is what they want.

• Why are the arts so undervalued? Art is the beauty in the world from music, writing, poetry, painting drawing, etc.
• In college, anything other than STEM isn't valued. Why? Why are only science and math considered important? Yes, technological advances are important. But what keeps life interesting and worth living is art.
• Every day it becomes more difficult to experience art. Going to see musicians has only gotten more expensive. Tell me why it's almost 100 dollars to see a musician from the nosebleeds. Ticket Master needs to kick the bucket it's all their fault. I think I would be a happier person if Ticketmaster/Live Nation didn't exist.
• I would love to see a ballet, orchestra, musical, or music show. I want to appreciate and experience the arts but people are being choked out by the economy. You can't go with your friends to see a show. Cant take ur kids to see the Lion King musical. You cant afford to go on a weekend vacation. People cant even afford eggs.
• In the current state of the US, there is only so much doom and gloom I can handle. I want to have fun. I want to distract myself from reality for 2 hours and SEE A FUCKING MUSICAL. Why are tickets to see Mean Girls 109 dollars? I can't even afford to buy eggs.
• It seems so trivial to bitch about the arts not being affordable when there are bigger fish to fry. But the small fish are easier to catch.